||[May. 14th, 2006|02:07 pm]
So i dunno, i guess at times that it is just best to shut the fuck up at times, and pretty much telling me to not talk is not helpful. How can i just ignore these million thoughts and emotions that I feel at one time? Telling me that I overtalk things doesnt help. Basically it comes across as saying that you really just dont care enough to talk, nor do you care how i feel about things.
Its one thing to say who you want to be,and not to count on shit happening, its another thing to do the complete opposite... and right now that is the only thing the biffs me right now.
I want to live in tucson this summer, but at the same time i would rather get away. camping? i dunno, but i ask the lord and my best friend to help me through this, because im getting depressed for no apparent reason- and yea i feel like im going through some emotional trials and tribulations right now.
Lord, tell me what to do, to make my actions and relationships the best they can possibly be, to not live with regrets, and to understand and compensate my feelings for the actions of others that i care for, all of them. And i won't go anywhere without them in my thoughts and prayers.
Im not really mad or upset about how things chage... they're expected. its just swell seeing people move on and grow up while really not showing signs of caring or giving a living fuck about me.
Im writing this beause im sick of feeling like i should be walked on simply because i care. Why dont you seem like you care? What kind of effort of truly being there for me do you make with me?
Don't get me wrong. I love them with all my heart. Unfortunately it apparently wasn't the right time nor the right place to fall for someone. I would give the person any chance in the world, and i probably still wil, and if they ever wanted to be treated with the utmost respect, its there. But they are afraid of that. And i am just afriad. afraid i wouldnt ever be good enough for anyone who would lay their eyes upon me, because i am not up to par. Because i care. Not because im an ass or im too wrong. It is beause i care.